Just Quarantine Things

As of this week, I’ve hit the stage of quarantine where flossing my teeth is a regular activity. I’m not ready to call all of this a learning experience, or to say that I’ve taken this as an opportunity to grow or develop new passions. At this point, I’ve decided the best way to go about all of this is to have no expectations, that and lots of Facetiming with my darling Massholes (my friends from college).

                  I know probably no one is reading my spontaneous, pandemic-restricted blog, but if you are, Hi, I’m happy you’re here. Here’s what I want this blog to be, and this will probably change:

•              something for me to do instead of checking the CDC website more than I should. 
•              something for people to read instead of the CDC website. 
•              a distraction for myself.
•             maybe a distraction for you?

In the next mysterious amount of time, I’ll probably be posting lots of word vomit over hypothetical scenarios I create in my mind, questions about why the world is the way it is: (why is it that people on Bumble that are looking for something casual also feel the need to say whether or not they want kids?) and lots of embarrassing stories, just because I am chock full of those.

                  In the meantime, just to kick everything off and maybe give you an image of what my life looks like now, here’s a list of epiphanies and strange experiences I’ve had since the beginning of all of this.

1.          The first two weeks of stay home I did a lot of exercising. The second two weeks I did a lot of baking. I’m not sure if I’ll come out of this bigger or smaller.
2.          I’ve now started to scale how much I like someone by how long I would be willing to be quarantined with them; for example: John Mayer: eternity; Carole Baskin: 12 hours.
3.          Making dairy free Ice Cream from scratch is a tedious process. If you add more corn starch than the recipe calls for, your final product WILL be yellow and it WILL have a bit of a tortilla flavor.
4.          This isn’t really new, but I’ve been reminded that there’s absolutely a threshold to how helpful it is to google your symptoms. I believe that the threshold involves entering exactly one symptom and reading as much as one internet hit or as little as two words.
5.          Working from home warrants investing in a comfortable, fancy, rolly chair more than any other event that you will ever face in your life. I’m not sure my butt still exists, and if it does, it’s definitely tattooed with the indentation of the wicker chair I’ve been sitting in.
6.          I’m thankful that my parents didn’t design an open-concept house.
7.          I wasn’t showering a whole lot. It seemed harmless. However, I’m starting to believe that at a certain extreme, people can actually smell you through zoom calls. Maybe it’s in my head. Still figuring this one out.
8.          After I made the peppermint-chocolate-chip-corn dairy free ice-cream I had six egg whites that needed to be used up. I started a very tedious recipe just to use up the egg whites and just as I got to the “add the egg whites” step, I dumped the bowl all over the kitchen floor. My dog loved it.
9.          A follow up of discovery number 8, when you make a recipe, pay attention to the serving size. I currently have enough frosting for 40 cookies.  

That’s all for now. Wash your hands, regulate your news intake, and for Pete’s sake, regulate the amount of toilet paper you’re using.

         Lots of love,

Sarah